HOW I WILL SOLVE ALL PROBLEMS

 

How Michael will solve every problem you have!

BIG GROUP PROBLEMS

  1. How he will deal with the overcrowded and out-of-repair bridges, the unemployed and homeless, the major housing shortage and trash in New York City and other large cities: A simple solution anyone can figure out given the above parameters. For example, NYC can easily do the following:
    • First, fill in the East River with all the excess trash that we’re paying to have hauled out of state.
    • Then, hire and train the homeless to build low-cost housing on the “Trash River,” and to build roadways there so traffic won’t have to use the bridges.
    • Then finance the whole project by selling condos to the ultra wealthy that will be built on the now unused bridges.
  2. How he will deal with food shortages, rats, and lack of work for the homeless:
    • Sell GMO-Free, Gluten-Free, Homeless-Caught, Wild Rats at green markets. This will help control the rat population, alleviate food shortages, and provide the homeless with a useful source of income. The homeless could also be put in charge of the advertising campaign.
         "Rat, the Other White Meat."     "Rat, It's What's For Dinner."     "Rat, I'm Lovin' It!"

From a recent article -

One Million Pounds Of Rat Meat Sold As Boneless Chicken Wings In U.S.

(FDA) US Food and Drug Administration is now very concerned that an estimated a million pounds of rat meat,which is passed off as “boneless chicken wings”, was sold in restaurants and stores across America.

As mentioned in the reports of the FDA inspectors have expressed concern after several illegal container originating from China were seized by customs at the port of San Francisco.

It was found to contain meat of rats that was meant to be delivered to a variety of meat processing plants across America and resale as chicken.

One report indicated that if hundreds of thousands of pounds of illegal meat have been confiscated by the authorities and be destroyed

But the FDA still warns that about 1,000,000 pounds of the counterfeit meat of rats may still be circulating in the territory of America.

It was found to contain meat of rats that was meant to be delivered to a variety of meat processing plants across America and resale as chicken.

One report indicated that if hundreds of thousands of pounds of illegal meat have been confiscated by the authorities and be destroyed

But the FDA still warns that about 1,000,000 pounds of the counterfeit meat of rats may still be circulating in the territory of America.

For more about this story, please click the link below:

http://www.feelhealthylife.com/one-million-pounds-of-rat-meat-sold-as-boneless-chicken-wings-in-u-s/

How he will deal with really controversial problems
and how to make everyone happy!!

TAXES

Divide the country into two areas, those that want to pay taxes and those that don’t… see who wins.

GUN CONTROL

Divide the cities into two areas, one for those who don’t want guns and one for those who do...

Mexico-US Wall

Many people are in favor of building a wall between Mexico and the US. But who is going to pay for construction?
Instead of a wall, we will build a series of handball courts. The border will be the site of an annual International Handball Championship. Corporations will be invited to pay to have a court named after them and to have advertising on the walls; and we will hold annual auctions for TV networks to have exclusive coverage rights. Michael is a great advocate of Handball Diplomacy.

Bathroom rights

#1 - People should be able to pee wherever they like, as long as it's not on the floor.
#2 - See #1, and especially not on the floor.

terrorism

Send them all to North Korea.


INDIVIDUAL PROBLEMS

He will make sure there are laws in place such as the ones below to enable each citizen to have enough sleep and privacy.

  1. Anyone named Sean who lives next door to you will not be permitted to play trumpet any time you’re home.
  2. Anyone who leaves a car alarm on when nobody is stealing anything will have their front seat confiscated. They will be made to drive standing up!
  3. All Taxis will have a horn placed over the driver's head that is as loud inside as the one on the outside of the vehicle. This will also apply to any non-taxi drivers who get more than one violation of using their horns too much.

DIETS

We’re a country full of fat people. This costs the average person lots of anguish in either tax money, diets, or dealing with everyone else’s dieting. I’ve never been fat or overweight. How do I do it?

Here is one simple diet for people who want to lose weight:

THE DELICATESSINARIAN DIET:
HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT BY TRICKING THE BODY
by Michael Ingbar ©1994

I’ve been skinny all my life.  In fact, people often comment about how I continue to eat such massive amounts of food and still look so scrawny.  So, I decided to write down my secrets for all my friends.

The secret about the difference between slender and overweight people is that the fat ones are so concerned about what they are eating, that the body really notices the food going in. In fact, they sometimes notice it so much, they gain two or three times the weight of the food they eat.

Skinny people on the other hand, really don’t care about weight so the body hardly notices the food they eat. In fact, really skinny people have to usually eat up to three times as much as fat people just to maintain the weight they have.

The secrets therefore to losing weight are:

  1. Eat fast so the body won’t notice.  Don’t chew the food, just swallow it. The less you taste of it, the less you’ll gain. Get the concept that each chomp equals five ounces of weight.
  2. Eat in the dark or blindfolded.  Sometimes this works.
  3. Eat foods you really like in places or with people you despise.  This prevents proper digestion.
  4. Eat foods you hate, or foods that are poorly prepared, or are rancid. Leftovers that are more than three months old are particularly efficacious.
  5. Get the attitude that eating is a real pain in the butt, that you don’t have the time to eat, and that the foods that are simplest to prepare and simplest to chow down on are the best foods to eat. Worry that you’ll not be able to get all your work done because you have to stop to eat.
  6. Wear clothes that make you look fatter than you really are. This way, the body won’t think it’s trying to lose weight. Remember, whatever you do to the body, the body does exactly the opposite.
  7. Experiment a bit.  Sometimes a combination of 1-6 above works.

 

Beat That OPPRESSIVE NYC Summer Heat

My idea is to simply make this great city a cooler place to be in during the very hot summer months. And it is very simple. The idea is based on the fact that the city is always eight to ten degrees hotter than the surrounding areas. Meteorologists explain this as a symptom of “urban furnacing,” which is simply all the bodies, asphalt, buildings, and air conditioning spewing forth heat during the hottest months of the  year. More simply demonstrated, a trip to the subway platform will show the platform ten degrees hotter than the outside air due to the heat being generated by the air-conditioned subway cars, which are sometimes cooler than comfort.

All we need to do is reverse all the air conditioners in the city. Every home, apartment, office building, truck, cab, car, and bus. If we do this, the temperature would lower about 18 degrees.

Here’s how: As shown above, the city is an average of nine degrees hotter than the surrounding areas. Just by turning off all the air conditioners, a 90-degree day will become an 81-degree day. But by reversing the air conditioners, we would again have the air cooled an average of nine degrees, making it a very comfortable 72 degrees! New York City would be the first air conditioned city in the world!!! We’d finally be able to open our windows during heat waves!!

I have been in touch with major plastic molding companies here in the City that would be able to make “A/C Reversing Scoops, or ACRS” (their name, not mine), which would enable one to open their window just five inches and let the cool air out. Think of the coolness we’ll get from reversed subway air conditioners alone! These “ACRS’s” would sell for only $4.99 and could possibly be subsidized by the city, as it will benefit the tourist industry here, and raise more taxes! Big office buildings, busses, cars, and taxis would just open their windows.

Of course this whole plan seems a bit ridiculous at first, with the amount of space we would have to air condition, but remember that hot air rises, and cool air stays down.

Why should all those with current air-conditioning pay the electric bill for all those who don’t or never had air conditioning… well, as one apartment dweller here in Soho said when asked about the idea, “We’ve heated the city for so long and made so many suffer, now it’s pay-back time.” The poor people would benefit most as they never had air conditioning and would just have to open their windows to benefit like all the rest of us. Many people ask the question, “Where will all the hot air go?” And that is answered with the simple thought of how cold it gets here in winter…. We have the hot air!!!

CLOTHING THE Homeless/ CUTTING EDGE Fashion:

A Solution TO THE RICH/POOR DIVIDE

The economic divide in New York City is more apparent in Soho than any other neighborhood. High-end shoppers have to practically step over the homeless to get into their fancy boutiques. The irony is, of course, that these shoppers are spending thousands of dollars to dress in practically the same torn up jeans and sweaters worn by the homeless they ignore. My suggestion is to leverage that market demand into jobs to improve both our economy and homeless situation.

First, from a store front in Soho, we will provide all the homeless in the city with brand new, American made clothing, particularly denim jeans. This can be paid by a fractional portion of the current sales tax. Next, the homeless individuals will continue their lives as usual, while their new clothing becomes torn and stained from life on the street. Once the clothing is sufficiently damaged, the individuals will return to the store front where they will be photographed in the clothing. The photo will be signed and, in return, they will receive a new set of clothing. From there, the worn clothing will be cleaned, and the signed photo will be attached along with a substantial price tag befitting such an artisanal hand-worn American-made product. Once an item has sold, the homeless individual can pick up, at their leisure, a handsome commission equal to 50% of the final retail price.

Through HWJ (Homeless Worn Jeans), we will harness the power of the free market to clothe the homeless, create jobs here in New York City selling American made products, and provide expensive clothing with that exquisite touch of poverty all you rich bastards love.

Right now, if you want to purchase a pair of distressed jeans, your only option is to buy something factory produced by an emaciated Malaysian child slave. Under my plan, not only would those jobs come back to America, they would also help improve the lives of those most in need. This is a plan focused on Americans, but with a global context.

If we’re going to Make America Dance Again,

               we must first Give America Pants Again.                

Otherwise WE’re just swinging in the breeze.